Acquiesce

ac·qui·esce: to accept something reluctantly but without protest.

I struggled when trying to figure out a way to start this post. At the time of shooting, there were so many ideas and emotions going through my head, but now? I’m drawing a blank. So, bear with me as I try to retrieve some of those thoughts. They’re here somewhere…

Acquiesce, I don’t think there’s a word more fitting. “To accept something reluctantly” is a skill we all struggle with. In its most basic form, it means giving up. But, “without protest” is the true challenge. We protest. It’s what we’re about, it’s how we defend what is ours. We’re attached to our ideas–we think they’re the greatest solutions and the most insightful thoughts. So, when we have to accept that maybe our idea isn’t optimal, we do so reluctantly, but most always with protest. You see? The “without protest” is the kicker.

Think back to a time where you were caught in a difficult situation with a loved one. It was likely due to a lack of communication or a differing of beliefs about a particular situation. (As is the case with all types of arguments and discussions.) 

You know what I’m talking about right? You’ve been there too? Well, if you don’t, or you haven’t… you can leave. (There isn’t any room for picture perfect pansies around here, so scoot.) Around here, EVERYBODY makes mistakes, hold grudges, or downright argues for no reason. Maybe it the New England Spirit, maybe it’s in the salt water. But whatever the reason, we could all learn to acquiesce at times.

I’ll try to be relatable and tell you: Sometimes my guy is downright exhausting when it come to arguments. And he’ll be the first to tell you he should have been a lawyer. He loves to argue, he downright  looks for arguments. It’s not intended to be harmful or aggravating, it’s in his nature to argue. And, he knows there is nothing I like more than giving other people my advice–even when it’s not wanted.

So, when he asks for my opinion (or when he doesn’t) on a subject, I’m quick to jump. And then I fall, fall right into that trap. But the problem is, once I’ve been trapped, I won’t go down until I’ve won. That’s the problem. I don’t accept. I am reluctant. And I certainly do protest. But where does that get me? It get’s me ready for a drink and a nap. In the end, I loose no matter what the outcome. Dumb, I get it now.

Now, if I learn–which I am–to acquiesce in a situation, I win. I win no matter what the argument. And you do too. Is it worth it? Is it truly worth it to be upset with the ones you love because they are not conforming to your idea–your layout–of what they should be. You met them as they were, chose them as they are, and you’ve made the decision to move onward with who they will be.

Do not disappoint yourself into believing you can change anything about one person. You can only change yourself. And if there is one goddamn thing I’ve come to realize–it’s this; If you have a problem with someone in your life–whether they be friend or foe, who has the problem?

I hate to break it to you, but you–my dear–are the one with the problem. I get this all the time, I see it everywhere. Colleagues, friends, family member will approach me and complain (for lack of a better term) about the issue in their lives, the people who are creating problems and disrupting their happiness. And my response is always the same: Who is this affecting?

You. If you have a problem with your spouse–don’t think for a minute they are kept up at night thinking about that problem. Truth is, they don’t even give it the time of day. Sorry dear, you’re on your own. When you want an apology from someone who has wronged you, you are putting your happiness in another’s hands. That’s risky. 

If we are unable to acquiesce in a given situation, we’ve move to the point where we must forgive. And don’t think for a minute that forgiveness is about the abuser–it is solely about the abused.  If you want to be forgiven, forgive yourself. If you want to forgive another, forgive yourself. There are no words that I believe more:

Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself, and the final form of love.